Rae's Place

Toot your own horn?

2012-02-01T22:18:00.004-05:00

I am not a genius. This is not a shock to anyone who knows me. As much as I adore Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory or Zach Addy from Bones, there is very little possibility that I could match them in the intelligence arena. Not that I want to try... that is not what this post is about. This is also not an attempt to call myself stupid in any manner. For.....

I am not stupid. I might not be a 4.0 student but I get more A’s than B’s and that is good enough for me.... and apparently for the schools which I am applying to. :) I would also term myself as street smart. I might not be able to recite all of the battles in the civil war or all of the vice presidents and their terms, but I am able to understand and discuss the importance of historical events on current society. I can read and analyze a text, be it literature or historical, for the same reasons. In my world I like to study those things that have had an impact on a society, i don’t have to commit them to memory as long as I have the text and my subsequent notes available to review.

There are many more things that I am not.... but I have veered from the path that this blog was supposed to take. One would think with my talents and experience writing a statement of purpose, or personal statement wouldn’t be difficult. (And yes, those are 2 different things) Yet here I sit, for day 2, trying to come up with something that makes me sound neither pompous nor moronic. I have the same problem typing up a CV or a Resume (again 2 different things). This idea that boasting about yourself or selling yourself is slightly repugnant to me. It is a part of me that I feel would fit more comfortably in the society that surrounded the Founding Fathers of the United States. Back in late eighteenth and early nineteenth century America, a man or woman’s good name should precede them. One wouldn’t have to talk about their good deeds because others would have already passed the information on. It was considered indelicate to campaign for a position or talk about yourself in that way. The humility that is preached in my religion also seems at odds with this need to boast to get a job or into a grad program.

This is not to say that I never talk about myself....I often get really excited about things and I will call a friend who will think it is cool or they might not and they suffer through my gushing....or well.... this blog is proof..... I have done plenty of boasting. But most of that is piddly stuff. I got excited when I got asked to help with the candidates that are coming to campus for interviews (I organized the students) or when I was invited to a recruiting dinner to talk to prospective students. But that is not stuff that you put on a resume or in a personal statement. Those are just perks for being so annoyingly persistent in my position as Editor-in-Chief of the History journal. I am now a face that is known around the department.

So what do I say?

and

how do I say it?

Those are the big questions.

Well at least the big questions for now.

Cookies... A Worthy Substitute.

2012-01-25T23:10:00.001-05:00

I added a streak to my hair last fall. For the first time in my life I didn't have a job that said I couldn't and I have always wanted to. So why not? I started with a green streak that looked awesome. This semester I decided to change it up. Tonight was the night to make that change! But the appointment had to reschedule. Therefore, I am stuck doing homework... Cultural Astronomy. UGH!

Since I was stuck here I wanted a dessert. But I was craving something really really good. I wanted Gourmandise. The greatest European bakery in Salt Lake. Their desserts are to die for! But they are all the way in SLC and that is not an option for tonight.

So, what does that leave me? Raw cookie dough, the safe kind (i.e. no eggs). While it isn't Gourmandise, it isn't bad for a small treat on a night at home. I am adding the recipe here so I can find it when I need it again. I have a habit of eating chocolate chip cookie dough with out the chocolate chips. I got the recipe from Food.com and it can be found here.

Ingredients

1/4 c. Butter (room temperature)
1/4 c. Brown Sugar
1/4 c. Granulated Sugar
1/8 c. Milk (or just a touch more, depending on the texture you want)
1/2 tsp. Vanilla Extract
3/4 c. Flour
1/8 tsp. Salt
1/2 c. Chocolate chips (though I don't add these)

Directions

Cream Butter and Sugars together
Blend in Milk and Vanilla
Add Flour and Salt and mix well
Stir in Chocolate Chips

Stolen Moments....

2012-01-24T21:00:00.001-05:00

Life is full of moments. Happy moments, sad moments, and especially busy moments. Those who jump on the Carpe Diem train tell us that we should always be looking to live every moment to it's fullest potential. Yet, some of my favorite moments are not the ones where I have stepped out into the unknown and started an adventure. My favorite moments are those simple times of joy that you share with those that are important to you.

Last Friday Meg, Sarah and I had our annual Christmas lunch. Sarah and Meg have been friends since Jr. High. Meg and I met junior year of high school. And Sarah and I became friends her sophomore year of college. Add it all up and we have known each other for a very long time. Therefore, while yes we know that it was half way through January, to us it didn't really matter. Between, work, school, children, and our own family holiday stuff, Friday was the first time we could all get together. This year Los Hermanos was a little hard to get to so we settled on the other traditional restaurant. JCW's in Lehi. With Burgers, Charlie fries, and delicious shakes we celebrated yet another year of friendship.... Plus who else would know to get me a bag that says "I like Big Books and I cannot lie." We had our hour and then the 3 of us went our separate ways; back to work, school, and children. As I drove away I filed the time in my memory as a stolen moment. Nothing but laughter and chatter among friends. Friends who have been around long enough to understand me and my choices.

Today I got to have another one of those stolen moments. Tuesday mornings have become breakfast day. My sister Tallie has to drop her oldest off at preschool, my brother Ian is at work (He is the GM for a fast food restaurant) and I have some time before class starts. The only other addition is Tallie's little on Ezzie. So we snag breakfast and Ian takes a break and we just chat. About family, about life, about whatever tickles our fancy. Ezzie steals our tater tots and our drinks. Ian runs behind the counter when someone needs a hand. I take a picture or two with my phone. But mostly it is just a chance to talk and laugh and be there for one another.

Life might be a about seizing the opportunity, but I hope to collect as many stolen moments as possible.

And then I remembered....

2012-01-17T20:23:00.001-05:00

One would think that the title of this post would connect to the last post but it only does in the most peripheral way. As I wrote on Saturday, there is so much that I want to see and do. Nothing is impossible for me. The places I want to visit, the things I want to learn... all of that are with in my grasp. Then Sunday comes and I am reminded....

For those that don't know I am LDS (Mormon, Latter-day Saint, how every you want to phrase it.) I teach the Sunbeams in primary. What does this mean in non-LDS vernacular? During the second and third hour of church on Sunday I teach six 3 to 4 year-olds about our beliefs. There is singing, lessons, snacks... it is a lot of fun and kids at that age are really cute, if trying. I have been in this calling (or post) for about 7 months or so now and we just got our new class so they are all 3 years old. It is sometimes odd for me, a woman who professes to not want babies of her own. The youngest, Sam, just turned 3 in December so he is really such a baby still.

Church begins at 11 and so we have the children from 12:15 to 2 pm: Prime lunch and nap time for our little ones. Yesterday Sam turned to me and told me he wanted his mommy. He was tired and wanted to be in his bed. In an effort to start to train him to stay for all of church, I stood at the back of the room with him while singing time went on. I had forgotten how sweet it was to hold such a precious child and rock them until they fall asleep. That trust is amazing. After about 15 minutes, Sam was awake and we were on our way to class.

So what does this mean? Why am I writing about this? Here we are two days later and it still had an effect on me. I truly don't believe small children are in my future. Not only because having babies is not something I want to do, but also because I believe my talents can be better served in other arenas. If I ever do marry (or just settle myself long enough to have a stable home and a stable job) I want to work in the foster care system an then move into adoption. But as much as I love little children, I want to work with the older kids. Kids that are around 8 -17 (I think they leave the system at 18 right?). So many kids are struggling in our over burdened system and I want to help them.

While my goals are sound and I believe worthy, some days the truth hits like a body blow. There will probably never be a little child of my own that I rock to sleep like I did Sam on Sunday afternoon. I don't know if the sadness that comes from such thoughts is a natural instinct or something ingrained that I have learned due to my upbringing. Either way, some days it makes me sad.

But not to worry, one of these days I will meet my goals and have the chance to help troubled kids just as I have wanted to for years.

I had a thought.....

2012-01-15T13:52:00.003-05:00

I spent the evening with Amy watching my favorite Disney movie on the big screen: Beauty and the Beast. While driving home late last night I had a thought for a blog post. Sadly, 12 hours later I can't remember what that thought was. So I shall talk about something else.

Beauty and the Beast was originally released in November of 1991. This was also the time that my world was turned on it's end. Within months my parents were divorced, I had moved twice, my mother had remarried, my father was in a war zone with bombs exploding over his civilian head, and I had 5 new siblings. Is there any wonder that an 11 year old girl would find solace in the stories of Anne and Emily (L.M. Montgomery books) and Belle and her beastly prince?

As time passed my delight in these characters never waned. My entire family knew of my love for my two favorite heroines: Anne and Belle. One an orphan who desperately needed to prove herself to the world in order to make her adopted family proud of her and the other willing to sacrifice everything for her family. Both girls were rewarded for their efforts. More than just getting the guy, these heroines facilitate their own happiness even as they feel out of step with the world around them. It was easy for a shy young girl who loved to read to feel a kinship to Belle. Belle was stuck in what she termed a provincial life. Though provincial in the sense that it was not an urban metropolis, the reality was that Belle didn't fit into the society which surrounded her. A girl with a mind of her own, Belle wanted more.

Even now, when I am neither young nor shy (well as shy as I was) the words of the songs from Beauty and the Beast resonate with me. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned." I have had the opportunity to travel and visit many places in this great country and yet I want more. More than adventure I what the chance to learn and explore. As Katherine Brook in Anne of Avonlea says: "I've always wanted to travel and see that place. To see the Taj Mahal, the pillars of Karnak. I want to know, not just believe, that the world is round." I might not want the pillars of Karnak or the Taj Mahal but there are so many places that I want to see. So many things that I want to learn. And if I have learned nothing else in my 32 years here on this earth it is that, if it can be achieved through hard work and diligence, I can achieve it. After all, I'm graduating this semester aren't I?

Another week done....

2012-01-14T03:06:00.001-05:00

Well, I have made it through another week. Cultural Astronomy hasn't killed me, I survived math, I didn't get any readying done (which frustrates not only me but Amy as well...she is still waiting so we can discuss Blood Rose) but the journal is well on it's way to well... to more editing. Lol!

Sadly the Cherry coke I had when I went to see We Bought A Zoo has me awake... with no helpful or insightful thoughts to share. Maybe I will try to sleep. Wish me luck... and a better post next week.

Retreats and the flu....

2012-01-08T22:05:00.002-05:00

So there goes my resolution to write more often. Lol! Last week I had a 3 day retreat into the Capitol Reef National Park.
The university has a field station there and our staff was invited to join the staff of the English student journals for their bi-annual editing retreat. Pam, Rachel and I were able to set a schedule for the rest of our publishing. I also had a chance to learn a lot about a program that is new to me but that we will be using for our publishing.
Doesn't Rachel look so happy to be there. Lol!

Even though it was January we got some interesting hiking in. The first day we stopped at some place called the goose neck... I think. Then the second day we got to go out for a couple of hours into the park. I even got a few cool pictures....

It was nice to be out in nature and I had a lot of fun.... there was even a 6 hour marathon Gin Rummy game.
Jane our station manager also taught us a lot about minimal impact on the surrounding desert and conservation. The station is completely solar powered and it was cool to learn about how we impact our surroundings. Not to say that I am a fan of cold showers...*shiver*.... but I can see why we need to work on ways of preserving not only our history but the world that our history

was created and preserved in. The petroglyphs that were written on the rocks out in the national park tell us about the societies that have passed through there. Fascinating....
After a great trip to the wild outdoors.... I either came down with a flu or got food poisoning. *sigh*

So now it is Sunday night, and I have been in bed for three days. School starts tomorrow, and I have a job interview (YAY!) and we have to get back on track with our editors. It is my last semester and I am looking forward to being busy.... and maybe a little nervous.

I like to write....

2012-01-02T13:42:00.005-05:00

So, I like to write. And I don't suck at it, if I do say so myself. During the semester I miss blogging. School writing, while infinitely better than anything that ends up on my blog, takes a lot of work and all of my attention. Yet, I need the verbal diarrhea that comes with blogging. Lol! I think this is why society is fascinated with the current social media. Facebook, twitter, and blogs are the therapy everyone is afraid to admit they need. I am not afraid to admit it, when I don't blog I talk a lot... to anyone... about things no one really cares about. Lol! So I revert to blogging. There the thoughts get out there without me forcing myself on people.

So what do I do.... I start a second blog to go with the first one. Not that I really have time for either but there you have it. The second blog that will probably get more of my attention than this one. It is a commentary on the books that I read. What ever book I finish will get put on the blog with my scattered thoughts about it. This makes me happy.

But for now... I have to go pack for our editing retreat. I leave tomorrow and I still have to figure out what to pack. :)

Ring out wild bells....

2011-12-31T17:44:00.000-05:00

The year is dying and here I sit surrounded by books on my current topic of research. I received a deck of "knowledge cards" for Christmas from the Thornes this year. Each card has facts about a "notable" women in literature. Since there are 48 cards in the deck, I have chosen to spend a week on each one. Learning about the woman the card emphasizes. The first one chosen was on Elizabeth Bishop, who I only know as the author of "One Art."

But that is not why I am writing, this new year is full of promise: I graduate in April with my bachelor's degree, if all goes as planned I will start Grad School in the fall, I am going to be learning about 48 women that have affected the course of the literary world, and the world is ripe with all sorts of other possibilities. Life as a single 32-yr-old women in Utah might not be one of unwavering bliss but a girl can handle anything for a short period of time. I have put in my hours here in Happy Valley and am looking forward to moving on. Lucky for me, moving on doesn't mean that I will have to give up my nights surrounded by literary genius'.

I am very excited about my future, yet here I sit alone surrounded by books. The small voice in my head that represents the hollywood version of society seems to be telling me that I should be getting all gussied up to head to some New Year's Eve Bash. A party where I will be surrounded by people (most of which I do not know) so that I can count down to this new year. The louder voice in my head, which represents my anti-social self, tells me that starting the new year surrounded by the works of a literary genius is just fine. I agree with the louder voice, which is why it is the louder of the two. While the needling small voice has begun to annoy. I do not feel guilty that I sacrificed some party which I won't enjoy for reading.

So I wish all of you a Happy New Year's. I wish for each of you a wonderful 2012. And hope all of your dreams come true. If you have any wishes for me.... wish for good books and good grades.

One Art
By: Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Dreams....

2011-11-26T13:55:00.001-05:00

It is amazing what floats to the surface in your dreams. In this morning's I find I am just as melodramatic as I was in the teenage years they portray.

The dream is already fading but I remember that I was a teenager again, all loud mouthed and big feet. But in this dream I was attending some sort of private school for girls. There were uniforms and some sort of military precision. The dream covered a couple of days and each time I was corrected in someway by my peers. My uniform was not right. I didn't have the right shirt on. My sleeves were too short. I was the flag bearer, and during a moment of shock the flag did not stand up straight. Okay.. I was actually at the front of a crowd and the pole dipped backwards to hit the people behind me with the flag. (Snort) Another incident was when I asked to look at an old metro map of DC that one of the girls had. I noticed that the green line was missing and the red, orange, and blue lines were incomplete. When a girl told me that the colors referred to walls around the city, I corrected her and explained the metro system. Only to be told that I was not to be rude... even if I was right. The final moment had the girls lining up to go inside the school. I was the last in line and once again holding the pole with the flag on it. The girl in front of me turned around to ask me not to stand next to her. I responded that there was no where else to stand. But unfortunately she didn't care as long as I didn't stand next to her. So with no where else to go I trudged down the front walk to stand by myself. Of course this placed me out of line and therefore the teacher (or headmistress or what ever she was) came over to ask why I was not in the line. To which the drama queen I am replied...."I was asked to move away from the others" and then I woke up.

Can we say drama queen even in my dreams. Yet while the dream was nothing like my real school experiences the fears that it portrayed were quite real... and to some extent still are. Everyone wants to fit in somewhere. The need for acceptance, even if it is not mainstream acceptance, never fades. As a teenager I was blessed with a best friend who flitted with me from group to group. This allowed me to be as social as I wanted to be while providing a cover for when I had no desire to be social. As an adult I have found friends who do the same.... There was many a party provided by Steph that required my presence but not my attention. I had to attend but I was not required to socialize and could bring any book I wanted. For parties are just like high school... trying to find a place to fit in the crowd that has been assembled.

So why do I write about this... life is about finding your place in it. Whatever you do, you must be comfortable in who you are and what you do. While I am still working to achieve my "what I do" goals, I was able to accept who I am years ago. I am very grateful that I am blessed with friends who understand me and accept me for who I am.

It's a whipped cream day....

2011-11-19T01:28:00.001-05:00

Spring, summer, and fall seem to be able to make e forget how much I love the snow. But tonight as we had the first real snow storm of the year, I was reminded how beautiful the snow is. The drive home from the movie theater was a little nerve-wracking as we couldn't make out the lines on the road. But once inside I made a cup of hot cocoa and watched the snow fall outside our big picture window for hours. The lawn is covered and the bare leaf-less branches on all of the neighborhood trees are coated with a fluffy white layer. I'm going back to enjoy the pretty outside my window... you enjoy a touch of Dean and Frankie. :)

Lost and found

2011-11-18T08:24:00.001-05:00

So the highlight of my week has been getting my car stolen. Cuz that is what I needed, right?

Yesterday morning I woke up to my car missing from the driveway. Today I was woken up by a very nice police officer who drove me 2 blocks over to where the car was dumped after they ransacked it.

There were quite a few moments of panic as I realized that there were things of value that I kept in my car that are irreplaceable. Things like: the Savings bonds that my grandfather gave us each year for Christmas, the scarf that my old boss Kristin gave me in DC, and the handmade hair clip I got at a renaissance fair in Virginia with my friends Heather and Richard. All of those things are now home safe and sound.

There were things taken.... my iPod, our garage door opener, and my gym bag (not the items inside but the bag itself). But all of those things are replaceable. None of them have sentimental value.

So thanks to the very nice officers that found my car..... because without them, I would be carless and missing some very important memories. Plus... you know all of the other things they do every day that I am very grateful not to have to worry about as I write this at 6:30 in the morning.

Has my world come to an end?

2011-11-11T16:33:00.001-05:00

I know I am not any where near genius level. I wouldn't even say I am brilliant. I do know I am not dumb. Yet here I sit, staring at this sad piece of paper with my GRE scores on it and trying to understand how this is possible. My prelim scores said I should have done better but reality is a kick in the pants.

According to the new GRE grading scale I suck. Okay not really, but I am no more than average and I don't know if average will get me into my college. I mean I am not trying to get into an Ivy league grad program or anything but still.....

So what are the scores?
Verbal/Quantitative/Writing = 164/149/4.0

What does this mean? The scores range between 130 and 170 for the verbal and the quantitative (translate: english and math). The range for the writing (translate essay) is 0-6. I also went online to translate these scores into the old GRE grading scale. the cumulative score for my verbal/quantitative would have been 1290. (v:670/q:620)

As for the percentages: Yes, I am in the 94th percentile for the verbal. But I am in the 49th and 48th percentile for the math and essay respectively.

So while these scores aren't horrific ..... they aren't great either. I didn't expect any higher on the math in all reality, but a 670 in verbal? and a 4 on the essay! How could I have done so poorly!!

What does this mean for grad school? I don't know. Can this be offset by my 2 honor societies and my 3.6 GPA? I don't know. And I really just want to cry. So I think I am going to do that now. Maybe chocolate is in order.

Growing up....

2011-10-22T22:39:00.004-05:00

Today I had one of those moments.... You know, the ones you don't want to have but learn to deal with as an adult. It's the moment that you recognize just because you really want something doesn't mean it is going to happen. My school offers a program that includes 6 weeks in Nice living with a French family and attending a French school. On top of that you get to go to Paris for a week and then after that spend 3 days in the Loire Valley.

Why I should and/or shouldn't go on the study abroad to France:

Pros:

My dream job would be to work in the archives of a library in France.... or Germany, or England, or Spain. A trip abroad would look better on a resume.
The grad school that I really really want to attend is in Montreal. It is also completely french-speaking and therefore was removed from my list of possible schools when I realized I wouldn't be fluent by grad school. While I am currently at an intermediate level of French, my professors say what I need to switch from thinking in English and translating to French and actually speaking french is complete immersion in the language and culture. That is not possible here in the states, especially not in the state of Utah.
Among the thing provided by our school is the entrance fees to museums in every place we visit. While I have seen and worked with museums and libraries in the states, it would be good to understand how things work in France.
In is FRANCE! I mean really.... France has been on my places to visit since I was a kid.... and not just Paris, though I want to see all the cools things that are there. I want to see the rest of France more than Paris. DaVinci's house, the castles, the medieval towns, and everything else that France has to offer.

Cons:

Money, money, money (oh to have a sugar daddy. Lol!)
The delay in graduation might only be a few months but it could affect my acceptance into my grad programs. If I had to choose between grad school and France, I should choose School right?
If I choose to get my education from an American college the door is still open to at least apply for jobs in Europe (right?) Unfortunately, if I fail out of school in Montreal because I don't understand the language I am screwed.

So why am I posting this? Because I will need the reminder in the coming months.

After crunching the numbers again and again, I realized that there is no way I can afford France and grad school at the same time. For 3 years now I have wanted to take part of the summer and study abroad in France. Every year I have thought about going. And Every year something has kept me from applying. This year as I prepared for grad school I thought I might actually make it work. The big deterrent these past 2 years has been work. As that is no longer an issue I thought I might finally get the chance. But.... where as when I was working I could afford to go but didn't have the time off, with out a job I have the time, but can't afford it. *sigh* This makes me sad. But accepting reality is part of being an adult. I may have those lists of pros and cons but they don't mean much when the money becomes an issue. I have never wanted to be one of those kids from the rich families as much as I do right now. Lol!

For now I will just accept reality and be excited that I am graduating in just over 6 months.

The good follows the bad.....

2011-09-24T14:51:00.003-05:00

I seem to have a case of terminal forgetfulness.

There are things in my life that do not change no matter how hard I wish them to. In high school I was ill once a month.... And I mean really sick. Not just cramping but the throwing up, huddled in a ball, give me drugs to knock me out type of ill. The "boyfriend had to carry me out of school one day" type of ill (yeah I was much older before I realized how awesome that was). As I got older it wasn't as consistent and by the time I was on my mission, it was only bad every couple of months. I figured that I had just learned how to handle the issues. Which is true to some extent. But this week I was reminded that sometimes I am just gonna be ill. Their is very little choice in the matter.

So what does this have to do with my title? I sit here after my first shower in 4 days that didn't end up with me laying on the floor in the bathroom (or unable to get out of the shower as was the case on Thursday). I feel good... I feel normal... I feel clean. Often in our lives we are told that without the bad we wouldn't recognize the good. I hadn't truly forgotten the principle but this week reminded me how good of a life I have. I had forgotten that sometimes the best feeling in the world is taking a great shower after you haven't felt well for a while. That feeling normal can be AMAZING.

Never Forgotten but truly remembered?

2011-09-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

Most, if not all, U.S. citizens recognize today as a day of remembering. Ten years ago today, tragedy struck our nation. Each year as this day comes I worry about what I am going to write. Do I write my memories of the day? Do I write about Robert D. Pugliese whose name is found below as a reminder of his family's loss? Do I write of the changes that our nation has seen in the decade since that terrible day?

Tonight I attended a 9/11 memorial in which the Mapleton Chorale performed Rene Clausen's "Memorial." In his keynote address, President Matthew Holland of Utah Valley University spoke of remembering and the purpose it has in our lives. As I listened to his stirring words, I was reminded of the signs that read "We must never forget." Yet with all of our reminders not to forget are we truly remembering and honoring the memories of that day so long ago? Are our memories of what we were doing and how we felt the purpose of our memories. Or is there a deeper meaning to our memories that we seem to be missing?

I could easily recount the story of my uncle rushing up from the basement that morning to turn on our television, and my family watching helplessly as the second plane flew into the tower. Or there are the stories of working at Provo's Missionary Training Center and hearing of missionaries stranded across the nation and kneeling to pray with those that they found in whatever airplane terminal they happened to be in. I even have stories of my second job temping for a company that had 2 employees in NYC that day (1 of which was supposed to be at the Twin Towers on a job) and fielding terrified calls from their wives as we scrambled to try to contact them. (Both made it safely out of the city that day).

Yet, with all these stories one has to wonder what their purpose truly is. Why must we remember? To which my answer is: So that we live as befits the memory of what we have lost. And not just the people that we have lost. This tragedy is more than the victims and the heroes of the day. The innocence of a nation was lost that day. The sense of complacency that had fallen over our country was lost that day. How we live today should reflect what we have lost, the good and the bad.

The signs are right, we must never forget, but more important is that we must honor the memory every day. We must remember what we have lost to remind us of what we strive for today. Our world can change in an instant and we must be ready for whatever comes our way. Not to justify the wars that are being fought, but to remind us that life and freedom are precious. To remind us that we can come together as a nation and to embrace our differences. To work together for a better world. To remember not only the victims, men and women who lost there lives to tragedy, but also the men and women who sacrificed their lives. To honor the brave actions and the enduring spirit that can be found among our own countrymen. These are not the founding fathers of centuries gone by. They are not the heroes of a war decades past. These are not even celebrities making millions of dollars in Hollywood or on athletic fields. These are men and women in the here and now that are just like you and me. Men and women who willingly sacrificed themselves to help others.

To me, that is what remembering today is about. Yes, we remember the loss that we have suffered. But we remember the lost to ensure that the lives we live and the country that we live in is worthy of the sacrifice that was made.

Another novel finished....

2011-08-02T23:12:00.002-05:00

So I finished Steinbeck's East of Eden this evening. Prior to starting it for my literature class, I had been warned that it had a very depressing ending. Yet as I sit here this evening going over the last of the novel I am not depressed. As a matter of fact, I found the ending to be quite hopeful.

Yes the book contained death, fear, frustration, and many other depressing emotions. Yet, it also contained life. joy, happiness, love and all the other happy sappy things. And that seemed to be Steinbeck's purpose. In this complex story, Steinbeck wasn't just showing us the age old story of Cain and Abel, or even the myth of Pandora's box. This wasn't good vs. evil. This story protrays the spectrum of good to evil that exists in all of us. We are human, and to be human means that we are constructed from all of the good and bad emotions that are attached to humanity. Jealousy fear and hate, vie for supremacy over love, compassion, and courage. We must accept that those things exist not only in others but in ourselves as well. Once we can accept the world as it is, THEN we can work towards improving ourselves. We can recognize as Steinbeck's Cal did, that we are our "own kind of mean" and work to correct it. That is what this life is for, is it not? To work towards perfection, not that we will achieve it but that we can work towards it.

Anti-Social....

2011-07-29T19:39:00.002-05:00

As usual I am tired. The last couple of weeks have been especially hard and I am really really tired. School only has another couple of weeks and I can take a little break. But tonight I am hiding from the world.... well most of the world..... I will still be living in the homework world and I will be totally open for AmyO as she reads Wolfsbane for the first time. :)

So in effort not to be a stick in the mud and ruin the night for anyone else I have chosen to hide out and Mom's house while they are out of town... Hi Mom, hope you're having fun!

So I am off to work on my bio homework, read East of Eden, and watch movies.... Have a great weekend.

Nature's First Green Is Gold

2011-06-27T00:39:00.003-05:00

I can't sleep this evening. Classes start again tomorrow and I need to be sleeping but my mind had latched on to an old Robert Frost poem and won't let go.

Robert Frost first published the short poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" in the 1923 Yale Review. Later that year it was included in Frost's collection tilted New Hampshire, which also included "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening." The collection was also awarded the 1924 Pulitzer Prize for Poetry.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

I remember reading this poem years ago while living in DC and enjoying the tone and rhythm. It just flows off the tongue. The rhyming pattern is as obvious as the alliterations are subtle. The words of the poem meander through your mind like a fresh bubbling brook. Skipping from word to word and line to line but never settling. I didn't put much thought into the meaning of the poem at the time. I just enjoyed it.

Fast forward a few years and in an American Literature class my professor, Rob Carney, asked us to memorize and recite two poems for the class. I chose this poem mostly because I knew that it would be an easy one to memorize.

At the time, the only interpretation I focused on was the same classic interpretation that S.E. Hinton uses as a theme to his popular novel The Outsiders. It has been to many years since I have read Hinton's novel or watched the movie that was adapted from it, yet I do know that one of the themes had to do with the need to stay gold or golden. Meaning to try to stay innocent or to achieve the perfection of the innocent.

Frost's use of the word gold in line one is substituted in line six with the word Eden. In Christian religions Eden refers to the garden of perfection created by God and then inhabited by an innocent Adam and Eve. If we follow this line of thinking then, the gold which Frost is referring to is the perfection of the innocent unmarred by worldly cares, needs, or even realities. In Eden, there were no thorns to prick the finger, or weeds to choke the flowers. It wasn't until Adam and Eve were forced out of Eden that they learned sorrow and the work of tilling the land for their harvest. The reference that "Eden sank to grief" is this loss of innocence that Adam and Eve suffered as they were cast out of the Garden.

Frost also uses quite a few words to remind us that time is not infinite. Words such as first, early, hold, only, hour, and even dawn, reinforce the poems argument that the initial innocence of our lives is fleeting. The beauty of childhood lasts but a short time before we are forced to accept the reality of the world that surrounds us.

As I was learning about this poem for my lit class I was so focused on the "grief" that comes from the loss of the gold that I didn't take the time to delve any deeper into the possible implications. But tonight as I lie in bed I again recognized not only the need we have for change but also the joy that can be found in such changes.

Frost reminds us that Nature's first steps are gold and flowers. Spring is often connected with the beauty of renewed innocence and life. The short life span of the cherry blossoms and lilacs illustrate the fleetingness of Frost's poem. Yet the brevity of spring passes into the beauty of a hot summer day. Summer fades to the crunch of the autumn leaves which then flow to the glitter of a frosty morning. Just because the beauty of the first green has passed doesn't mean beauty can't be found in the life that follows.

In yet another portion of the poem, Frost refers to the dawn going down. We all know that the dawn is about the rising of the sun. Frost is using the alliteration to draw attention to the other 'D' words in the line (dawn and day) while implying the passage of time and the end of the dawn. While the dawn is very beautiful, I am rarely awake for it. The day is where my life happens. Work, and school, friends and family, fill my days and evenings not my dawn. The joys and laughter the pain and sorrow aren't to be found in the first glittering moments of my dawn. They are the product of all of my experiences throughout the rest of my day.

As line eight has been reverberating through my mind, it has been reminding me of a quote from L.M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables. Frost states "So dawn goes down today" to which I hear Anne reply "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." Reference to dawn going down, allows one to think of the setting of the sun. With the passing of one day, or season, or experience, we are offered the opportunity to have others. Part of the joy found in life is taking a wrong turn and discovering a whole new world along the back roads. If the sun were never to set, or the dawn turn into day, how would we ever get the chance to experience life to it's fullest.

So, thank you Mr. Frost. Yes, the dawn of my life has passed and I am headed into the heat of the day. And while the first blush of youth has worn away, I am lucky to enjoy the life I lead as each experience leads me to the other opportunities.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

The future....

2011-05-05T09:00:00.006-05:00

This morning I spent my time looking at my schools of choice for my Master's program. They have been narrowed down to 5 schools all on the east coast. In the order of preference:

Simmons Graduate School of Library Science in Boston
Indiana University - Purdue University Indianapolis
Rutgers School of Communication and Information - New Brunswick, New Jersey
Louisiana State University Baton Rouge
University of Maryland

Boston and Indianapolis get priority ranking because they offer dual Master's programs. I can study Library Science and Public History at the same time.

Maryland gets last place because, while I love that part of the country and they offer the dual program, a couple of the alumni say the school is not the easiest to work with.

Next Step... The dreaded GRE. Most of the schools only require it if I have a GPA less than 3.2 (Not even close...Phi Theta Honors society... Thank you very much!). But it is required for 2 of the schools. So.... yet another thing to study for. The application deadlines for Fall of 2012 aren't until February/March so I have a bit of time.

Ugh... this blog post is completely disjointed.... Much like my graduate plans.... It is time to pull things together so I can reach my goals!

Now I am off to meet the woman over my internship.... wish me luck. :)

I DID IT!!!

2011-05-04T20:00:00.002-05:00

Grades are out and I got an A- in the Nature of History! I was hoping for a C so this is a load off my mind.

WAHOO!

The other classes were just as good. An A- in US history, a B in Contemporary Literature, and a B- in Critical Theory.

Life is GOOD!

And now I am signing off.

YIPPEEEE!!
Okay now I will return to acting my age.

Good Morning....

2011-05-04T11:07:00.002-05:00

WIth out school, my nights have been boring. There is only so much tv you can watch before you want to pluck out your own eyes. Reading helps but even that doesn't seem to be able to pull my focus as school had. I can't wait to start up again next week.

I have to admit though...Lazy mornings are quickly becoming an addiction. My mornings resemble that of Oliver in the musical with out the maid and the singing town. I love listening to the morning through my open window as I slowly wake up. *sigh*

Interpretations

2011-05-01T14:33:00.003-05:00

I blog in the shower.

Not literally of course, but, as I stand under the hot water, my mind clears and flits from topic to topic. Unfortunately, the epics I compose in the shower rarely appear here among my blog posts. Usually because once I am out of the shower I have very little time to sit and write down my thoughts. Today, though, is a lazy day with a lazy shower. There was even singing, slow church hymns that reverberate off the walls of the bathroom and echo through the soul. In my laziness I have time to throw my thoughts out into the universe.

As the hot water beat down on my hair I began to brush my teeth (I figure I can justify longer showers if I include brushing my teeth. ;) ) and was reminded of a memory from decades ago. I remember standing at the sink with my Grandpa Rocky watching him brush his teeth. I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 and was in awe at the amount of white toothpaste that covered his lips. Since I was just a child, I assumed that this is what happened when grown ups brushed their teeth and began to try to achieve the same result. I even remember resorting to wiping toothpaste on my lips so I could look more grown up.

This memory brought to mind the endless discussions from this semesters Lit class on interpretation. Our individual experiences effect how we view the world. And not only personal experiences but communal ones as well. I will never understand completely the horrors of Pearl Harbor or the fear of McCarthyism just like a child born this year will never comprehend the loss and fear America suffered on 9/11. Books are written, movies are made, and songs are dedicated to the experiences but that effect is not the same. My choices will forever reflect the experiences of my life.

Even among a society or a family for instance, events can cause different interpretations. For example, I am one of 12 children who were raised by my mother and step-father. As my memory is so faulty, I often call my siblings for clarification on events of our past. Interestingly enough, 1 event can have 12 different interpretations. AND each interpretation effects the individual differently. The situation of my childhood has influenced my choices throughout my life. Yet my sister, who is only older than me by 16 months, has been influenced in ways that I never have. While we shared many of the same experiences, our responses were vastly different. No judgement is placed on either of our choices, they are just different.

Therefore with all of these different interpretations how can we function as a whole? Can we as a society work towards the common good? How will we be able to define what is good among all of the interpretations?

As children we look to our elders to define what is right and wrong and to guide us in our actions. As students we look to our teachers to teach us the facts. As adults we find our guidance in many things. I personally, rely on my faith in Heavenly Father, as well as the knowledge I have gained through my life to guide my choices. But I fully recognize that not everyone believes as I do. My only hope is that tolerance can prevail to help us understand and accept the differences that make each individual unique.

Another one bites the dust

2011-04-28T23:23:00.002-05:00

Saturday night has come and for the first time in weeks I am not stressing about readings or papers for class on Monday. All of my papers have been turned in and the semesters books and papers have been collected to be stored. For what? HWo knows but I feel better if they go in a box for now. Lol! I can even see my desk... dusty as it might be, I can actually see it again.

Today I slept till noon, went to dinner with my friend Sarah, watched an old 80's movie (Protocol - score one for Goldie Hawn) and read a book (Anna and the French Kiss is a very cute YA chicklit novel)

But now darkness has fallen and the quiet has descended. And what do I do with myself? I guess I can read another book. Or do some more cleaning (the bathroom is screaming at me!). But I don't really want to. I guess I could go and bug Mama and Papa Thorne..... but I hate to be a nuisance.

That is the problem with being single at my age..... what do you do? ALL BY YOURSELF! I am one who considers her alone time very precious, but once life slows down I do require interaction. It is one of the reasons I need school. I need something to keep me engaged..... Not to worry classes start on Monday for Math and Bio starts the following week.

I think I am gonna add another class just for fun..... help me out and vote:

Intro to Psych

Intro to Western Religions

Humanities Through the Arts

I can't decide.

Procrastination....

2011-04-21T17:14:00.002-05:00

The semester is finally coming to a close. I finally finished my last official class and now am only left with papers to write. Granted there are 6 of them, but that is doable. 4 of them are 3 pages or less. 1 needs to be 5 pages and the last one is a research project i have been working on all semester and will have to be 8-10 pages.

Am I writing? No. I am tired. I turned in 3 papers on Wednesday and so am taking a short break. As I know it will take me about 5 hours to write this paper (I have tracked the whole semester and have found it takes me about 2 hours to write 2 pages ... pages that I would deem acceptable to turn in.) Therefore, I have another 40 minutes to let topics about the philosophy of History, Kant, and Hegel float around in my brain before I have to start writing.

What to do....what to do..... Maybe I will check in with Hulu or Netflix or maybe I will take a nap.

A weekend in thought...

2011-04-10T11:21:00.005-05:00

So when you don't feel good and you can't do anything but stay in bed... or on the couch... or in the tub... you end up thinking a lot. This weekend was no different.

One of the running themes of my thoughts has been the changes that I have undergone in the last decade or so which prompted the asking of a what-if scenario. If only I hadn't done such and such would I now be living the life of a normal Mormon woman. Specifically, if I hadn't been in a specific relationship at 19, would my life have taken a different course entirely. One can rarely recognize changes when they are experienced. It is only looking back with 20/20 hindsight that the change become obvious.

As I discussed my what-if scenario with a couple of people, and thought about it on my own for even longer (what else are you supposed to do in the bath waiting for the pills to take effect), I finally recognized the changes that have been made over time. While the choices I have made have placed me on my current path, that doesn't mean that different choices would have me in a different or more "normal" place. At 19, I was searching for something that I had no way of understanding. And while the relationship I had was probably one of the most unhealthy that I hope to ever be in, I was no where near capable of handling a relationship that was actually healthy at that time. So therefore, had I chosen a different relationship, the probability of it being a healthy one was really low.

As a matter of fact, choosing a different, more "normal," relationship could actually have been more detrimental than the one that was chosen. At 19, young women of the LDS Church, are looking for marriage and eternal families. Had I been in a relationship that had headed in that direction I probably would have followed through with those goals. If my hypothesis is correct and I was unable to handle a healthy relationship at that age, I would therefore have placed myself in a very unhealthy marriage. I shudder to think where that path might have led me.

This is not to say that young women of 19 are incapable of healthy relationships that lead to marriage. Nor does this absolve me of the actions that I took at the age of 19. I take full responsibility those actions and the painful consequences.

So what does this mean?

Nothing to anyone but me. Looking back over the last decade, I can see the progression of my relationships and the changes that have occurred slowly over that time. While I might not be quite ready for, what I would term, a completely healthy relationship, I now know who I am and what I truly believe. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but for me.... It is a HUGE step.

P.S. Another good note..... I got an email from the Columbia University about enrollment. I know it was probably a mass emailing to students of the Phi Theta Kappa. But good night nurse, I got an email inviting me to apply to Columbia. I feel special!

A Day In Bed.....

2011-04-10T00:19:00.002-05:00

So today was the day of my monthly sickness. It started yesterday afternoon and mom kindly offered her big jacuzzi tub. I finally feel better, but I have done nothing all day. Kinda nice...but I really can't afford the down time. Oh well.

Also, my phone has been dead since yesterday as well. So if you have tried to call, I am sorry. I will go home tomorrow and charge it up.

the midnight hour....

2011-03-22T00:53:00.002-05:00

It is that time again and I need a quick break before settling back in for the last 3 pages of my midterm essays that are due tomorrow.

Spring break is over now. I still can't believe it passed by so quickly. But it did and now there is only a short 6 weeks until the end of the semester. I realize that my brain is stuck in school mode as that is where my world revolves. In less than 14 months I will have completed the first portion of the education that I have been headed towards for years. I know the fate of the world will not be affected by my degree. But in reality, my world will tilt on its axis at that point. Granted, I will just be headed off to more school, but that is not the true point.

This thing.... this degree, that I have put so much effort into, will have been received. For a girl that feels that she never completes a project and never settles in one place for long, this is a MASSIVE achievement. And a massively scary step. The future that I have been hoping for is going to be possible. But what if that future is not what I dream it to be. I know for a fact that real life is nothing like school. And yet, even with that fear, I am giddy as a girl on her first day of kindergarden. There are less then 14 MONTHS!

Now I just have to battle the senior-itis that is settling into the creases of my brain.

Okay I am back to a discussion of the trauma of slavery and Holocaust survivors using the neo-slave narratives of Charles Johnson and Mark Twain's Puddi'nhead Wilson.

It's happening....

2011-03-08T23:05:00.003-05:00

It has been a hard day for me.... I can't post to much because most of it is work related, but needless to say I had a blessing today for peace an strength.

I sit here, with a paper due in a few hours wishing that i could focus. But there are so many thoughts running through my head that I am hoping that rambling will help.

School has been good. I am fascinated by my classes. There is a lot of reading for each day but I find most of it interesting, even if I am sometimes overwhelmed with the amount.

I have to take the math placement test next week. This will tell me what math classes I can take this summer and weather I am taking 2, 3, or 4 classes.

I am also now actively searching for an internship position. I am hoping to work through a library or museum for the next couple of semesters.

And finally, other than the math classes, I have 9 classes left to take for graduation. In other words, in 1 year 2 months I will have graduated. It is really truly happening.

Is it here yet?

2011-01-02T22:37:00.003-05:00

These long nights leave me with to much time to think. Since the holidays haven't been the greatest this year, my thoughts have run to the melancholy (and yes I think of Megamind every time I use that word). In an effort to keep myself busy I have prepped for my upcoming classes, obsessed about last semester's grades, read about 10 books, watched various Bones episodes and other movies, and spent endless hours on the phone to family and friends. But as night fell yet again this evening, I found myself with too much time on my hands and no way to shut off my brain. Thank heavens for school starting on Wednesday. the 6 classes (18 credits) plus the 30 hour work schedule should keep me too busy to have another of these nights for awhile.

Now back to Eve Dallas, hopefully her and Roarke can keep my mind a bit more occupied now that I have written all this down.

Tough Decisions....

2010-12-23T14:25:00.003-05:00

So the giddiness still hasn't subsided as I opened my first Christmas gift....

A KINDLE!

from my boss. Now I am trying to decide between Gelaskins. So help me:

A:

OR B:

thank heavens for dictionaries!

2010-12-22T23:04:00.002-05:00

Have you ever seen the 1993 Melanie Griffeths movie Born Yesterday? The character Billie Dawn tries to read a difficult book and has to carry a dictionary around with her to understand all the words. In one scene she is in a library and has to go to the big dictionary on a pedestal to look up words every couple of sentences. (I tried to find a video of this scene but it doesn't seem to be online anywhere)

Anyway, my life seems to be playing a very similar track as I try to read the Harry Potter series in French. I can't believe how frustrated I get as I am looking up words or verb tenses every single sentence. *sigh* I am determined though. I will make it through.

P.S. Grades came out.... While not my greatest semester I am told that a 3.5 is not a bad GPA for a semester and that the B- I got is sassy. Now all I have to do is turn my I in french into a real grade and I will be good to go. :)

The Door is always Open....

2010-12-21T20:35:00.003-05:00

It is that time again..... "It's Christmas in Killarney with a the folks at home!"

A Garrison Keeler selection.....

2010-12-15T15:17:00.002-05:00

Kate sent me this a couple of months ago and I just now got a chance to read it and wanted to share:

Clara: In the Post Office
by Linda Hasselstrom
I keep telling you, I'm not a feminist.
I grew up an only child on a ranch,
so I drove tractors, learned to ride.
When the truck wouldn't start, I went to town
for parts. The man behind the counter
told me I couldn't rebuild a carburetor.
I could: every carburetor on the place. That's
necessity, not feminism.
I learned to do the books
after my husband left me and the debts
and the children. I shoveled snow and pitched hay
when the hired man didn't come to work.
I learned how to pull a calf
when the vet was too busy. As I thought,
the cow did most of it herself; they've been
birthing alone for ten thousand years. Does
that make them feminists?
It's not
that I don't like men; I love them - when I can.
But I've stopped counting on them
to change my flats or open my doors.
That's not feminism; that's just good sense.

"Clara: In the Post Office" by Linda Hasselstrom from, Roadkill. © Spoon River Publishing, 1987.

Confession......

2010-11-16T22:18:00.003-05:00

I am a 31 yr old woman with a woobie (how do you spell that word anyway?) and a teddy bear. I have had a cold for 4 days now and have given in. I wanted my woobie so I pulled it out of the box as the rest of my things were headed into the storage unit tonight.

Now mine isn't one of those tiny baby blanket things that other kids have. My woobie is a king size quilt that I made when I was 18.... with the help of my mother, Sandra Martell, Meg Thorne and maybe even Leslie Taylor.....I can't remember who all helped. It has a blue flannel back and Sesame Street characters on the front. It is tied with bold colored variegated yarn.

I have better and more adult blankets in my collection....but when I don't feel good this is the one I want on my bed. Lol!

So here it is and now I am going to go to sleep and hope I sound better in the morning.... *sigh*

Meloncholy.....

2010-11-12T00:18:00.001-05:00

It sets in every once in a while. I think this is the reason I have become an over achiever. I need to be too busy to get this way.

Poetry

2010-10-26T21:22:00.002-05:00

Reading poetry makes my brain ache. It is filled with the constant nagging feeling that I am missing something. That there is more to the poem, more to the meaning of the poem, than I am able to understand. I don't think I am a fan of poetry.

Made in Dagenham....

2010-10-24T16:11:00.005-05:00

I am often called a feminist, which isn't offensive, though it is sometimes shocking to me. I am excited to see this movie. If I was still living in DC, Kate and I would be seeing this in that little grungy theater where we saw Kinky Boots. But out here in Utah..... who will go with me?

Today I called in sick to life.....

2010-10-24T14:10:00.004-05:00

As always today I woke up tired. This is nothing new. And wasn't even as bad as it has been in the past. Usually I get up anyway. I have responsibilities to attend to. I have school, homework, work work, teaching Sunday School, and what feels like a million other things. I don't have the luxury of lounging around in bed all day. Even on the mornings when I don't have get up early there are 5 - 6 history books and a lit book all on my bedside table so I can wake up and do homework. (I used to love to wake up grab the nearest book and read for 30 min or so before getting up... Now that I feel like have to, it isn't as much fun...)

Anyway, today I decided to heed the desire to curl up and ignore life. I woke up early..... and then went back to sleep. I didn't work on my lesson and did not go to church. This afternoon I have watched an episode of Sanctuary and played a little on facebook. As soon as I am done here I will shower and read the last 50 pages of Remains of the Day (okay that is homework but at least it is a book I am sort of enjoying). The only thing missing is my homemade popcorn, but I have neither olive oil nor kernals and there is no way I am going out to get it. Lol!

Tonight, I'll have dinner with the Thornes and the Zerkles and maybe curl up with a few more text books...... I might even start on the transcription of my biographical interview.... though probably not.

Because today..... I am taking a mental health day.

Tomorrow I will go back to real life with classes from 8 - Noon, work from Noon - 6, and homework from 7- whenever I can't keep my eyes open and have to go to bed.

Parlez-vous Francais?

2010-10-19T15:56:00.003-05:00

I know that I am extremely OCD about my grades. To me, even though I know better, a B feels like I am failing. I also recognize that at the beginning of every semester I have a minor freak out and say dumb things like: I am gonna fail my classes.... I am not learning enough.... blah blah blah....

Having acknowledged these things about myself, I tried not to freak out to much as this semester started. But I am realizing that I might be in over my head. It is not uncommon for me to take a 16-credit hour class load while working full time. Unfortunately, I have moved beyond the basic courses and am now taking all upper division classes. As a Public History major with minors in English Literature and French my classes are full of copious amounts of reading and writing assignments. You wouldn't think I would be struggling, I live to read and love to research. Yet, with the courses I am taking I don't have enough time to complete the assignments. books go unfinished, paper deadlines are missed and some homework gets skipped entirely.

I have been thinking about this alot and I think I have decided to drop my French minor.
*gasp* *shock* *deep breath*

Okay, I have talked to many of you about this already today and have gathered the following advice:

My life as a student should have no regrets
It isn't bad to do something just because I want to
Life should be guided by a couple of things: the Holy Ghost, logic, dreams, and finances
A 'W' on a transcript is okay....just don't go overboard
Dropping the French Minor would be okay.... even though my OCD is saying FAIL FAIL FAIL
Completing only 1 minor with higher grades is better then multiple minors with low grades
I am still gonna read Harry Potter in French.... I even got the books online. ;)

Random Familial Interactions

2010-10-18T21:30:00.005-05:00

Tonight I had a discussion with my brother Wog, who will be leaving in December for a 2 year LDS mission to Stockholm Sweden. Our conversation turned to languages and it was decided that in an effort to retain his French skills he will have to write to me every week in French. From this spawned the following scenario:

First to keep up his french skills in Sweden he would obviously have to find a person their to speak to regularly in French... meaning who would have to find a french-speaking investigator.

If said french-speaking investigator was over 30, single, intelligent, and moderately attractive Wog would then send him my way.

Let me spare you the random course of our conversation and just say we ended up with the conclusion that in a few years Wog could be spending Christmas' in Sweden with me rather in UT with the rest of the family.....

And people say I don't have an imagination.....

'tis eventide....

2010-10-17T22:14:00.003-05:00

Tonight was the first of the no stress, casual Hinkson/Gifford family gatherings for all those that are here locally.

While not a home run on the first try, there was still lots of food and lots of laughter. As a matter of fact, as I was leaving the families were sitting in Mom's living room listening to old Bill Cosby Records.

Good times.

Thanks to all those that could make it. I can't wait to see you Hinksons and Giffords next month.

P.S. I would like it noted that apparently every semester I think I am in over my head and every semester turns out fine. But yet again...... I feel like I'm falling behind!

Never fear.... I am working on not stressing about it. :)

Writer's Block...

2010-10-16T22:46:00.004-05:00

The slowly passing hours are filled with pages which have been written, re-written, and then erased. I have read and re-read the books and primary documents. Finally succumbing to the t.v. and facebook. The papers are due Monday...*sigh*

Anyone have any thoughts on the drastic change in Roman military strategy, which was employed during the Third Punic War and the destruction of Carthage?

what's that?

*crickets chirping*

How about the significant differences between Hitler's invasion of Poland and the invasion of France......

*tumbleweed*

yeah, that's what I thought....

*sigh*

if I am 31 does that mean I get 3 marshmallows?

2010-10-14T22:09:00.006-05:00

My Friend Sarah passed this along to me. I couldn't help but realize that I am still not a very patient person. Maybe someday I will learn.

Fan girl moment.....

2010-10-05T16:20:00.003-05:00

Everyone knows I am a fan of a variety of authors. It is also no shock that I am a huge fan of romance novels, as I have been out of that closet for quite a few years now. But with all my love of reading, I have never desired to be a writer. I thought about editing....but I know how much work, effort, blood, sweat, and tears can be required to put out a book of any kind and that is not a trail I want to take.

So when an opportunity came up for me to attend the Utah chapter of the RWA Writers conference, I was not really all that interested.

Until I found out that the Keynote Speaker is, none other than.......

CHRISTINE FEEHAN!!!!!

I know, most of my readers have no idea who that is. But I do. As a matter of fact, I can honestly say, I own everything she has ever published. With all the books I own and authors I love she is the only author I can say that about. I even buy her stuff in hard back....and then sell trade those out when I have to replace them in paperback (Yes, I am anal enough to want my collections to fit nicely on my shelves. Don't Judge!)

So, what does this mean? And Why am I having such a fan girl moment.....well because I have decided to attend the conference. That is right, I am giving up one of my coveted weekends (and skipping classes) to attend an RWA Writers conference even though I have no plan to ever be a author or an editor. *sigh*

Yes, I am that big of a fan... *SQUEEEEEEEEE*

All done now... back to work. :)

Theme song anyone?

2010-07-21T11:30:00.002-05:00

So I know it isn't my theme song but I have many friend that could use it as such. For me....the hip fairy did come two times and the thigh fairy three

It caught my eye.....

2010-07-15T01:15:00.003-05:00

SO I found this quote while updating my Goodreads page.

"By now, it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer's greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It goes back to authors being terrible people who delight in the suffering of others. Plus, we get a kickback from the caffeine industry..."

— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians)

As if the fact that it is a bout evil librarians isn't enough, even the excerpts are making me laugh. I am gonna have to buy the book and read it.

Headaches.....

2010-06-22T08:42:00.002-05:00

Wow...I now have a new understanding of the word migraine.

Not that I have ever doubted the painful reality which some people have to deal with regularly but experiencing the pain is very different that having some one explain it to you.

Grades are out....

2010-05-11T20:59:00.003-05:00

I really can't complain..... with 2 A's, an A- and 2 B+'s my scores weren't that bad. Unfortunately it drops my GPA to a 3.82. I know it doesn't really matter, but my OCD seems to keep poking at me.

*sigh*

oh well...... back to my crit lit and Civil War homework.

Medically Necessary

2010-04-22T12:45:00.002-05:00

Today was full interesting information. So I thought I would share one of my many conversations:

Kristine: For some time, tryptophan has been available in health food stores as a dietary supplement. Many people found tryptophan to be a safe and reasonably effective sleep aid, probably due to its ability to increase brain levels of serotonin (a calming neurotransmitter when present in moderate levels) and/or melatonin (a sleep-inducing hormone secreted by the pineal gland in response to darkness or low light levels).

Kristine: And, (also according to wikipedia) it's in chocolate

Rachel: and now I am well informed.... I am going to eat it before going to bed every night

Kristine: so chocolate does make your brain work better :)

Rachel: I have an excuse

Kristine: yay! serotonin's also the neurotransmitter that most anti-depressants target
so chocolate functions in a similar manner to anti-depressants, just on a lower level :)
ergo, chocolate is medically waranted when one is having a bad day?

Rachel: exactly or trouble sleeping or overly frustrated

Kristine: yep

Rachel: there are many many cases which warrent the medical treatment of chocolate!

Kristine: precisely :)

The stream of conscience ramblings of a tired student

2010-04-19T19:17:00.003-05:00

I know I have no right to complain, there are others far more busy than I.

But I am tired and I miss my old life. You know, the one where I could do what ever I wanted as long as I put in my hours for the day at the office. I have vacations every year and I made enough money so i didn't have to worry about it. Yeah, that one. I know that attending school is good for me. That I need to get my degree....but man, I sure do miss my 2 weeks of vacation.
I miss my old boss, and my work friends. I even miss my hour long commute on the metro. All that prime reading and quilting time. *sigh*

Now I am going to go take care of my readings for World History and Brit Lit so I can make my 8:30 French Conversation study group ... so that some day, I will again be able to take a week off work and do nothing but lay in a hammock by the beach and read a book.

School Woes....

2010-04-07T12:59:00.002-05:00

So this week I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do about classes this summer. I am so tired I am afraid I am burning myself out. I have finally decided that I am going to take only 2 classes this summer; a Crit Lit class and a history class.
I have also been trying to piece together a schedule for my classes in the fall. Unfortunately, this is not as easy. I have finally reached the upper division credits of both of my majors. While this leads to classes that I find much more interesting, most of these classes are held in the middle of the day.

I happen to work full time as a receptionist. My hours are 10-6. The office has been really good about working with my schedule, but I can only push it so far. I just don't know what to do. Anyone know a company who is willing to hire someone for $12/hr who can only work after 3 pm. Lol!

*sigh* I'll have to get this figured out.

The Battle

2010-03-07T14:55:00.004-05:00

It seems for year no my body and I have been waged in a war for years now. Sometimes I win sometimes I don't.

Let me explain.

Most of you who actually read this blog know that I get tired. Really tired... brain shutting down, not finishing sentences kind of tired. (It's the "saying I will meet a friend at home but forgetting half way there and stopping to get gas only to remember when she called looking for me" kind of tired) It has been this way since my mission and no one knows why it happens. All I know is that when I am sick, or in pain, overly stressed, or just plain doing to much, my body combats this by trying to sleep for long periods of time. Like 12-24 hours. I am only half joking when I say that I came home from my mission and slept. I have very little memory of what went on between August and mid-December of that year.

In the years following my mission, I learned to recognize the signs of, what I term, crashing. Sometimes, I would be good and dial things back but usually I would just try to cram everything I had to get done into the remaining time and take the weekend to sleep it off. Or if that wasn't an option I would do nothing but go to work then come home and sleep..... all week long. Which usually got me back on track for another couple of months or so. Lately, the crashes are a weekly thing. If I take Saturday easy I am usually good for church on Sunday and then I take a really long nap.

Last week I wasn't feeling well and knew my body would want me to sleep.... but I had things to do ... so I didn't. I won that battle. This week ... my body didn't listen so well..... there was too much play /school/work and too little sleep. So when Sunday rolled around I slept through the morning and now have been awake for about an hour. Enough time to eat, get a headache, and realize that I am going back to sleep.

Never fear!

My body might have won this round, but it hasn't won the war.

I have to much to do ... it will just have to wait until after my nap.

A book to stand the test of time.....

2010-02-25T03:42:00.002-05:00

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I had forgotten how much I enjoy reading the classic but Elizabeth Gaskell's portrayal England in the 19th century certainly reminded me. Not only is this a great love story (with no kissing. What can I say it is a victorian novel.) but it also delves into the mandates of English society for the time period. Focusing on the roles of women, the differences between the agricultural south and the industrial north, the breaking down of class barriers, and the effect of religion.
I am proud to say that this will have a special place on my book shelf.

View all my reviews >>

Done for the night....

2010-02-24T02:49:00.002-05:00

Well I finished North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell and the reading on FDR for American History tomorrow. I'll have to study for my film test tomorrow.... sometime before I take it. *sigh*

For now, I am going to bed. hopefully I can be asleep before the clock strikes one; if only to say that I got at least 4 hours of sleep. Lol!

The Debutante....

2010-02-18T15:01:00.001-05:00

Every one who knows me knows I have a slight obsession with word and I get all kinds of excited when my french and english worlds connect. So last night while doing my french homework, I learned the word 'une debutante' which translates to a begginer.
I immediately thought of the debutante balls. Which totally makes sense.... As the balls are presenting women to society for the first time.

I am totally fascinated....

But I'm not a geek. I'm just boring. :)

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weekend quotes...

2010-02-16T23:43:00.004-05:00

While there were quite a few quotes from this weekend, I think this one was my all time favorite.

While having breakfast with my father and younger sisters we got on to the topic of books. (Really when don't I end up on the topic of books....) The conversation ended as follows:

Me: Sorry, I can ramble on about books forever, I am just a geek.

LL: You're not a geek! You're just boring.

So am I happy that I am not a geek or sad that I am so boring?

18 hours.....

2010-02-15T18:08:00.003-05:00

give or take an hour.

This weekend was a whirl wind of excitement. From the wedding to Sariahs obsession with Princess Boo. There was homework and cream puff Jokes, Watching the olympics with dad and Tiana straightening my hair. There wasn't a whole lot of sleep, like many of my weekend trips. Lol!

So coming home on Sunday found me curled up in my bed dead to the world for about 18 hours. I feel better today....though still really tired. If I can just get my French and Film homework done I can go to bed ontime tonight.

Cross your fingers!

P.S. Steph, we are still wondering who guess was closest.... tell me you made it at least 15 min...

not quite done....

2010-02-11T02:52:00.002-05:00

Well the laundry got done, along with the World History readings and the massive Brit Lit assignment.....

BUT...

I didn't get my packing done OR clean my room OR the bathroom. OR study for the french exam tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be a long night. Followed by an even longer yet fun filled trip to AZ.

Wish me luck and lots of caffeine. Lol!

That is why I read.....

2010-02-09T00:48:00.004-05:00

Nothing is ever gonna come crawling out of my books to kill me.

Here I am at almost 11 pm lying in bed realizing that I can't go to sleep. I want to go to sleep. I even would say that I NEED to go to sleep... but every time I close my eyes I see Noah backing away from the creepy creepy little girl with the phone ringing in the back ground!

Therefore..... I am going to read a story that turns out a little happier.... and then another... and then another.... Hopefully at some point I will fall asleep with out nightmares.

P.S. Another time I am gonna have to blog about the realization that Meg, Sarah, and I are characters out of a Nora Roberts novel.... not tonight though.

Creepy Creepy little girl!

just another day in paradise.....

2010-01-29T20:51:00.001-05:00

So after a fabulous nasal flush (which is just as enjoyable as it sounds) I am climbing in to bed with the good doctor...

here's hoping rest will make what ever this is go away!

100%

2010-01-27T18:55:00.003-05:00

I hate it when professors lead you to believe that something is going to be difficult ...

and then it isn't.

After 2 weeks of stressing because the professor said that many people find the tests difficult or abstract, I took my first exam today..... And I have decided that the professor was just being mean...

I got an A after only 4 minutes. At least I can go back to treating it like the fine arts credit I signed up for.

Mondays....

2010-01-25T23:52:00.002-05:00

Apparently the song is true... Mondays will get you down. Or maybe it is just me. Either way, my self fulfilling prophecy has come true.

Mondays are my bad day. From the time they start with my beautiful alarm at 5:15 in the morning (Okay lets be serious, you all know I lay in bed until 6 when the shower is finally free) until I finally get home from my Film lab between 9 and 10 pm, Mondays just seem chock full of things to do. And I never get it all done.

And I am tired.... So good night all. I will have to write my paper tomorrow.

*sigh*

Forgetfullness....

2010-01-21T20:21:00.001-05:00

It seems to be that lately I am lucky to remember my own name let alone more important things like the assignments for my classes that I printed and left sitting on my desk at the office!!!

Some days you can't win for losing.

For Jer and Tink....

2010-01-19T21:34:00.002-05:00

I am sad to say I haven't really had time to watch for a while... but Kate sent this on to me and it made me giggle....

Well rested!

2010-01-16T10:11:00.002-05:00

Good Morning Everyone!

Apparently the week took a bit out of me. I came home from work last night and crawled into bed. After reading for about an hour I crashed and slept until about 6 this morning. I hope this isn't a sign of how this semester is going to go. I am not sure I have time for a 12 hour crash every weekend. Especially when the homework picks up.

Speaking of homework, I feel rather productive already. It is only 8 am and I have finished the novel I was working on, started my readings for wold history and started my french homework (which should be done soon). That means I should be able to get to my chores here in a bit. The bathroom has been screaming at me for over a week now.

First though..... I need to eat. I haven't had anything but water since the early afternoon yesterday and my tummy is telling me it is hungry. What do you think about taco soup for breakfast..... Mom said she made it spicy just for me last night?

lol!

Another Night.....

2010-01-12T23:06:00.002-05:00

Apparently I gave the impression that I wouldn't be blogging until summer, Which was completely unintentional. While I will admit that blogging will be sporadic for the next while I do intend to continue writing.... just for you Dad. ;)

I am supposed to be studying.... but unfortunately I am distracted. So here I sit in my small room surrounded by text books, baskets of unfolded clean laundry, my unmade bed and a desk with papers piled so high I can actually see the desk top.

I am trying not to get discouraged tonight but today seems to be a day for it.

It is the first full week of my semester and I am already feeling like I am never going to keep up. The list of papers to write this semester seems never ending, though all seem to be easier then either of the major papers I had to write last semester. My French class is taught by a man at least 4 years my junior, if not more. He has already called me old in front of the whole class though the young girls in the front row were quick to jump to my defense. They kindly informed me "that 30 is the new 20." Lol!

On a good note, my world history class seems to actually cover a lot of the same information as my Brit Lit class. :) Though, the first 3 hour class period almost put me to sleep. I hope she gets more interesting. I look forward to reading Galileo's Daughter and things Fall Apart for World History and deciding on 2 Novels for Lit class.

Alright that is all the time I have for now. The study guides for my intro to film class (darn Fine Arts credits needed for G E's) have started to yell in my general direction. I have to complete them for the class at 8 am tomorrow morning (after my amer. history at 7 am).

Dear Yahoo.....

2009-12-29T15:51:00.003-05:00

I am truly sorry that I haven't spent much time with you for about 3 months now. But 3 hours to go through the unread messages was a bit much. Even if I did end up deleting 10,443 unread messages.

Sadly I must also tell you that I probably won't see you again until Summer. Till then we will have to survive with Blackberry connections. I am sure you will survive somehow.

With much regret,
Rae

Another Productive Semester....

2009-12-28T15:28:00.002-05:00

I got my grades today.....

a 3.94 for the semester

Interestingly enough it was my writing class that lowered the GPA. I only got an A-. But still for the schedule I was keeping I am still fairly impressed with myself. Lol!

Now to do it again.....

Wish me luck.

2:45 am

2009-12-26T04:41:00.002-05:00

The house is quiet...

There are no loud boys or crying babies or any of the others things that signify a large family has gathered for the holidays. Shopping will come bright and early tomorrow, yet here I lay awake. I am exhausted and should be sleeping but in reality all I want to do is to start another book.

For months now I have had to put off my personal reading time. Books that used to take me hours now takeome weeks and sometimes months to get through. As the semester progressed and I got more and more busy, I the books in my TBR (to be read) list did nothing more than gather dust on the shelf. Now that the classes are done for the holidays and I have had 10 days to relax and prep for next semester, I have read 12 books. I have another week and a half to go and look forward continue on my reading spree.

Be it The Art of War by Sun Tzu, an young adult fiction, a sci-fi/fantasy, or a romance, I can't begin to explain the balance that I can find when I slide into the pages of a good book.

Tiana is not pregnant!!

2009-12-24T23:38:00.001-05:00

Apparently there has been confusion.....
Now that that has been cleared up back to your christmas festivities. :)
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It's that time again....

2009-12-20T23:37:00.002-05:00

So I realized today that I didn't have my traditional Christmas in Kilarney Video up yet this year. I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone... and since I listened to this song for the first time last night.... here you go! Aren't the Irish Rovers great!

Finished!!

2009-12-16T10:25:00.003-05:00

The day I thought would never arrive ... arrived this morning. I had to meet with my writing professor regarding my conference paper. And with that short 30 min class.... I finished my semester.

It has been a particularly hard one. Between moving, the New Moon Event, work, and classes, I seem to have lost sight of myself and my goals. There were a couple of times I seriously doubted my desires. Did I really need to go back to school? Was it worth it? For the first time, I wondered if I had the abilities to pull off the degree I want.

Now that the brain fog of classes and finals has cleared.... my answer to all of the above is still a resounding yes.

This semesters classes have been passed and while I don't know if I pulled a 4.0 like last semester, I am content with the grades that I have.

Now for a 2 week break to prep for next semester. :)

"Goose Frabba"

2009-11-17T17:30:00.002-05:00

Can it really have been a month since I posted? I can't believe I have let time go so long. I guess that explains so much of my current verbal diarrhea. I need an outlet.... :)

today..... well it is crazy busy and I have to get to the how to guides for Thursday's event......but I found a quite that I really enjoyed and needed to write it somewhere....

I have been taking an American Lit class this semester. I had forgotten how much I enjoy reading the classics. There is just something about the greats that causes my heart to race. (I can hear my mother now...... "Now if she can just get as excited over some guy as she does her books...." lol!) We have read so many different things, from short stories by Charlotte Gilman's to poets like Langston Hughes. I loved the chance I had to re-read Fahrenheit for book club discussion. That book is one of the ones that shaped my life as a teenager.

I came across a quote today while reading an interview of my friend over at Salon.com and it reminded me why I feel that reading is so important. Why I am grateful for women like J. K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer who bring people back into the world of books and reading.
One of the women interviewed stated that:

"I like my life. But there's probably some deep need to shut out the world for a while. Because the world is so [freaking] intrusive....Reading is an act of defiance in the world today. I owe Stephenie Meyer a thank you note for reminding me of that"

I felt this so describes how I am feeling these days. I have very few complaints about my life..... okay.....I am way busy... and I live in Utah ... with my parents. Other then that, I have enjoy my classes and all of my learning opportunities. But there are times, when you want to defy it all, block it out, and find that moment of "goose frabba," as Steph would say. And that is what books are for. Those moments of learning and Goose Frabba!

Okay....Moment over....... back to work and event stuff!

Coming up for air.....

2009-10-17T13:18:00.003-05:00

You know that horrible feeling you get when you are in over your head..... Being me I get that feeling a lot. I thought that I have finally found my breaking point. So what do I do? I add another assignment onto my already full list of things to do.

I have been trying to think of a way to tell everyone.....well.....everyone who doesn't already know. But with all that is going on I just don't have the time. Today alone I still have to do my homework, find boxes to pack, research storage units, and figure out a meeting place in Draper for tonight's meeting.

To top it off, I am tired. Beyond tired, for the past 3 days I have gotten at least 8 hours of sleep and I am still draggin' tail. I know it gets worse when I over do, but I don't know how to cut back. There is too much to do and so little time to do it in. I also know I would feel better if I hit the gym, but with an already packed schedule I have no idea where I would fit it in. The only time I have available is after 10 pm. Which does me no good, as I am then up until 2 or 3 am because I have so much energy. *sigh*

Back on track......

I am moving in with my parents to work thing out financially. I have the chance to do a study abroad in France next spring and if I get every thing paid off I can go. So I am moving in with my parents so that I can do that. Now I have 2 weeks to pack up my house and move. On top of everything else I have to do. Cross your fingers for me.

;)

Pros

2009-10-01T10:28:00.001-05:00

When deciding to move back to Utah, I made a list of pros and cons.

I have to admit days like today were on the pro list!!! Crisp fall air. The trees on the mountain changing colors. Topped with snow capped peaks!
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American Lit....

2009-09-30T14:44:00.002-05:00

So I received my first exam for American Lit today. I have 2 weeks to take this 12 question test. It is open book, open notes and take home. Easy right?

NOT!

The first 11 questions are short answer. Meaning I have 1 paragraph to explain the significance of given quotations. Not bad. It is question 12 that is the doozy....

I have to write a 3 page essay. 3 PAGES! now I know why he lets us take home his tests for a week and a half. Lol!

To be honest, I am really looking forward to this exam. There was a lot of great readings in this section and I can't wait to discuss it.

2009-09-29T14:28:00.002-05:00

I don't want to work.....

I don't want to read about Daoism (homework).......

I don't want to go to class tonight.......

*sigh*

I'll change my mind in about an hour......but for now can I take a nap?

Quotre from women's conference

2009-09-26T19:05:00.000-05:00

"Nick taught me never to go to a church function without treats."
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2009-09-26T08:50:00.004-05:00

I have missed being able to write just for me........I never seem to have time to sit and write when the thoughts are flowing....

I just go off a call from a good friend....you would think after 12 hours of sleep I would be awake but I am still exhausted. Yet I got to thinking about guys and all my various friends and the choices they have made regarding guys. Some one once pointed out to me that to find a guy I was willing to marry I had to know what I wanted (Hi Tara!). At the time, I tried to make a list of what I wanted in a guy. But as Marianne the librarian's mother says, the mix of Paul Bunyan and Shakespeare doesn't exist. Even then, there were so many things I wasn't sure I wanted. I think this is my current problem. I feel a little like Eric from the Little Mermaid, when I see him it will hit me like lightening. Except I know that is not realistic.

I was trying to think this morning about what I really wanted. Want to know what I came up with?

Ok I will tell you....only cuz you asked so nicely.

I really want to finish school. I want to go to grad school. Iwas looking at schools again last night and putting them in order of desire......I think Rutgers moved into second place now that I know the Universite de Montreal is ALA accredited. It is also french speaking. How cool would that be?
UMD and Catholic are still on the list and so is Indiana. But I was looking at all the other options (all on the east coast) and I can hardly wait!

Also....I started thinking about minoring in French. My french teacher suggested it and it has been on my mind ever since. I am gonna look into what is required on top of what I am already doing.

That is what I want.....I guess everything else will have to wait. :)

Quote #4

2009-09-19T11:48:00.000-05:00

J: I think he is sexy........ Whenever my husbands showers I find an excuse to go in to the bathroom. I usually tell him I have to pee. (Then there was lots laughing)
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Quote #3

2009-09-19T11:06:00.001-05:00

"We need a bucket for the placenta"
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Quote #2

2009-09-19T00:32:00.001-05:00

Me: I don't have time to see my trainor.

L: then sleep with him its a better work out.

A: It's a two-fer.
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Quote #1

2009-09-18T22:04:00.000-05:00

L: He has his bras and I have mine.

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Reasons to attend French class.....

2009-09-18T10:36:00.003-05:00

Because you never know who will show up!

Out of Steam....

2009-09-17T22:16:00.003-05:00

I have 13 weeks left of the semester. It sounds like such a small number, but the urge to cry is strong. I think I am in over my head. But truly I am not. It isn't that I can't survive the schedule I have set for myself. It is that I just don't want to any more. My motivation is completely lacking. While the schedule is rewarding it is also very demanding. I never get to do what I want any more. I love learning and I have chosen this path. I know that.

I also know that I took on the extra responsibilities for the event and I won't back out now. I committed and I keep my commitments. But I will admit that I have started counting down the days until Nov. 21st when I can eliminate it from my schedule. (I believe we have 67...should I put a counter on my blog? Lol!)

So people....what I need from you are ideas. I need help staying motivated. How can someone who is working a 37 hour work week, has 17 credits, and helping with an event keep her head above water. I just need ideas to keep me in a good mood......well at least most of the time. Can any one give me any suggestions?

Okay back to the 2 short stories for American Lit, the paper and 2 chapters for Writing and the 2 readings for American History.......

Helping Kate.....

2009-09-13T23:32:00.003-05:00

While talking with Kate tonight she confessed to struggling to name her second bedroom....
It is a Study/Library/entertainment center

But what do you call such a room. Since I have a room that is also a study/library, I have decided that a word must be created. The top two choices are:

Stud-brary

and

Li-budy

To be honest I am leaning towards the first one.....lol! Ihave always wanted a Stud-brary. ;)

midnight.....

2009-09-12T01:15:00.002-05:00

I think this is the first time in 8 years I haven't commemorated this day in some way. I didn't even put it on my facebook in any way.

I don't really have an excuse, though my day was rather full. On 3 hours of sleep I worked 7 and a half hours, went to 3 classes, worked on a paper, worked on the November event, watched a movie with the 'rents..... I think that was all.....To be honest, I am really to tired to think of anything important or commemorative. Today is important to me...... but right now I am typing with my eyes closed because the lids are too heavy to stay open. I have tomorrows to-do list running through my head and I might cry here in a minute cuz it just keeps getting longer......

Suffice to say, Gone but not forgotten.

It doesn't matter if it is 8, 18, or 80 years, those we lost will always be remembered.

A topic...A topic.....

2009-09-10T23:35:00.002-05:00

Rae's got a topic!!!

I have been stressing over my topic for my world history research paper. I was told it has to pre-date the 15oo's and the paper should be between 8 and 16 pages (Until I have covered my topic). But I couldn't figure out what topic I wanted.

i thought about the female pharaohs for a bit....then shifted to the Celts..... I even talked to my professor about studying the epic of Gilgamesh or possibly the writings of the Celts.

After heming and hawing over it I decided that want I really want to study is ancient libraries. I mean really...who is shocked about that.

So now I just have to narrow down my topic. Which libraries....the first library in Sumer in 2000 B.C.? Maybe I could see what records were kept in Europe or the British Ilses? Ohh.....maybe during the Crusades...I'd love to do a bit of studya nd see what was destroyed then....hmmmmm....

So many chances....

Life is full of dilemmas.......

2009-09-03T23:34:00.002-05:00

Currently I am too tired to think clearly. I have 8 more pages to read for American History, 20 pages to read for American Lit. 5 assignments due for French, a narrative to write for the writing class, and I still can't decide on a topic for my world history class (thanks for all the facebook suggestions, I might even use one. Lol!)

Add to that trying to figure out what needs to be done for the November event, how I am gonna pay for my next tank of gas, when will I find time to prepare my lesson for Sunday, and for the French study group on Sat. and find time to sleep....sleep is a very good thing, especially when class starts at 7 am tomorrow.....

Maybe I will try that now....right after the readings that have to be read for tomorrow!

crunch....

2009-08-27T15:17:00.001-05:00

I broke my tooth.....vertically right down the middle.... my good dentist is back in DC......What's a girl to do....especially when I can afford to fix it. *sigh*

Frustration....

2009-08-25T21:27:00.003-05:00

I ran out of paper halfway through printing the readings for my Amer. History class. Argh!

by the way....the professor posted all of the readings so that I don't have to buy the discontinued product like his syllabus said. Lol! Helps if I actually look at all the available info. :)

The Morning after......

2009-08-25T10:45:00.002-05:00

Wow....I can't believe how tired I am. At least I won't be washing the kitchen and bathroom floors on my hands and knees for another couple of months.

I got up early and bought my new school books to the tune of alomost $400. UGH! My only worry now is about the American Lit class that didn't have any assigned text books and the history class where the program was discontinued.

On a good note, the new parking pass will get me through the next 3 semesters (fall, spring, and summer). I only have to buy them once a year. Hallelujah!

And now I am thinking about my schedule for the next little bit..... I will be going to school and working for 11 - 12 hours a day for the next sememster. On the days that classes starts at 7 am I don't get off work until after 6 pm. On the days they start at 8:30 am I have a night class that goes until 9 pm. This won't include my meetings that I have to be at for the event in November. Or anything else that endes up on my plate. It also means no more movies for a buck on Tuesday nights. I have French class. (I know what you are thinking AmyO! French class!!)

What does this all mean.....

As of today, I no longer have a life until December. Lol! Have a great fall everyone. I'll see ya on the flipside :)

Rae is DONE!

2009-08-25T02:25:00.002-05:00

It took almost 7 hours to clean my tiny 2 bedroom apartment.... 7 HOURS!

Okay that time included the time it took to update my calender with my new semester classes. Don't expect to hear from me until December. It is going to be a very busy couple of months for me. Lol!

I also tried to download the text for my American History class only to learn that Microsoft has discontinued the program that the professors based his entire class on. That's a bit awkward. Lol! Guess I'll have to go to class to figure out what the text will be. Maybe I should email the prof and tell him the product was discontinued....or would that be too annoying?

French looks to be interesting, though it will be a lot of work. I'm still hoping to get info on the other 3 classes.

On that note I have to crash because tomorrow is quite busy.

G'night

Every so often....

2009-08-23T21:18:00.002-05:00

I find myself going through cycles. Usually I am fine, I have a good life. I am grateful to be near my family and have my cute little 2 bedroom that desperately needs cleaned. School starts again this week, I have meetings for the Nov Event, a Lonestar concert with Sarah, and an outing with Rhonda. It's not like I don't keep myself busy.

But then there are nights like tonight. I have known it was coming, I was stupid and joined my sisters for the movie P.S. I Love You this last week and that always gets me to thinking (yes things other then ...."Wow, Irish boys are hawt"). I can tell by my unexplainable temperament and the influx of my reading.

Tonight, I sit here listening to sappy country music and reading books. Purposely listening and reading things that will tug at the heartstrings.

oh well....someday......

I'm an idiot....

2009-08-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

Its the last Sat before school starts and instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour last night I stayed up until 5:30 reading Tara's darn fanfiction. Makes me pretty useless today!
I need a nap before tonights baseball game. :)
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Quote #3

2009-08-21T23:05:00.000-05:00

"The one in the front has an a** of steel. Just so you know. "
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Quote #2

2009-08-21T23:01:00.000-05:00

Is that a broom or are those guys pole-dancing?
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Quote #1

2009-08-21T20:52:00.000-05:00

Paul on tonight's young (as in 10 year olds) dancers:

"If they were older I would call them whores. "

Let's just say the outfits were rather skimpy........
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2009-08-21T00:59:00.002-05:00
1 exit from home and I am stopped on the freeway due to construction!!!! Literally stopped!!! Dead phone battery so I can't call anyone and now what should have taken less than 5 minutes is gonna take over an hour!!!!
I hate night time construction!!!!
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P.S. I am home now and it only took 45 minutes. Thanks to Amy for the Blue October CD that got me through the stopped traffic with out pulling my hair out.

P.P.S. Night time construction workers.....I don't hate you. I understand the need for fixing our roads when there are less people on them. I just wish you would have warned me before the last chance I had to get off the freeway. I could have taken back roads to get home in 10 minutes instaed of 45.